I was so fortunate to have been visiting with my cousin a couple of weeks ago where we had an interesting conversation over lunch (in the Magic Kingdom of course). We were discussing the challenges of raising kids and what you can do to look at things from a different perspective. I was telling her how when I am really frustrated I try to apply something I learned in yoga of removing my dislike from an unpleasant situation. She had a much more eloquent phrase for it “What you resist persists”. YES. That is exactly what I was trying to say. If you are pushing against something like “Ahhh why are you whining when you could just ask me in a perfectly normal voice for whatever it is you want!” It will just make the whining worse and possibly, well most likely, result in a full blown crying fit. However, if you tell yourself that the whining doesn’t really bother you and go about your day full of happiness and love you could either ignore the whining until your child finally just asks you for that cup of water or you can sweetly ever so sweetly, (because you are not irritated at all remember?), suggest to your child that they ask you in a normal voice “Mommy can I have a glass of water please?”
My then very wise loving mother of a cousin said that she always tells herself in a situation such as the one above “What would be the alternative to this?” As in if my child were not whining annoyingly or throwing an evil tantrum what would that mean? That my child would cease to exist? Which scenario would I rather have. By a billion times over I would choose the whining, tantruming toddler then to have no Evangeline at all.
Today I am reminded that too many parents have faced that devastating scenario. Who am I to be frustrated with my sweet sweet girl who just needs a little patience sometimes?
If you are in need of some of this perspective please read this mothers blog who is, at this very moment, sitting beside her toddlers hospital bed after a tragic car accident.
My title is a little bit sarcastic today. This is more me just venting. Toddlers are an interesting dichotomy of opposites. They can be cute and loving one minute and obnoxious and defiant the next. Evangeline has just recently entered the testing stage and man can she test mommy’s patience. On a typical day she will wake up sweet and loving, just full of smiles and hugs and kisses. She is easy and agreeable. I say, “do you want milk?” and she nods happily and is content. A few hours later she is demanding, and cries and screams if I get up to do anything. Throw’s a tantrum if she can’t have something she wants. Is defiant. This morning she threw her milk on the floor when she was done eating (her daily ritual). When she got down I asked her to pick it up and put it on the table, which she normally does just fine. Nope not today she sat there and stared at it and didn’t move.
I am just sitting here this morning thinking… “how long does this time last for?” She is only 18 months old, do I really have another 12-18 months of this? When she is being cute and adorable I find myself loving this age and never wanting it to end. But 2 seconds later she is throwing a tantrum and I am wondering, “when will it end?”
Okay, so we all agree that although our kids are beyond lovable most of the time sometimes they are not so lovable. For example, every time I change my daughters diaper she throws a fit because she does not like to be slowed down. She will yell, kick, and scream. If she is being extra feisty she will kick me really hard and very forcefully try to turn around to get out of having her diaper changed. Anyone who has ever parented a toddler in diapers I’m sure can relate. I have tried many different strategies and nothing has seemed to work.
Well, I was reading a quote today that said something about kids needing to be loved the most when they are being unlovable. If ever I am going to run out of patience with Eva it is going to be when she is throwing one of her diaper changing fits. So today I repeated that quote in my head like a mantra. When I changed her diaper she threw a fit, tried to turn around, and kicked me the whole time. I repeated the mantra and tried to remember that I needed to love her throughout that. When I was done changing her I told her I loved her and she stood up and gave me a hug. Of course my heart melted.
