Okay, so I guess today isn’t really a tip but more of a plea for help. Ever since my daughter was 8 months old she has had a problem hitting others. Let me just add that I don’t know if her foster mom ever hit her but I highly doubt it. I can tell you that me and my husband have never hit her, not even just a slap on the hand. So part of my frustration is just not knowing where this comes from.
When it first started I figured okay this is just how she is letting out her frustration and it is normal. I still think that but am just so fed up with it. It’s been 20 months of dealing with this and trying to get her to stop and nothing is working!!! She hits me, she hits her dad, she hits (and kicks) the dog, she hits her cousins, kids at the playground. She doesn’t really have to be provoked very much, if a kid just thinks about playing with something that she wants she will immediately reach out and swat them in the face, or better pull their hair out, or even better grab their face and dig her finger nails into their skin.
I know it is her personality, she has a very strong one and know’s what she wants which will be good for when she’s older but how do I teach her to stop hurting others? This is what I’ve done so far.
8-12 months old – Grabbed her hand and told her in a very stern voice “no hitting” then stroked her hand on my face and said “nice”
12-18 months old – Looked her in the eyes told her very sternly “NO NO HITTING” put her down and turned away for a couple of seconds and then dropped it.
18-24 months – Started using time out, talked to her about why hitting is bad, because it hurts and we don’t want to hurt people. Have her apologize to whoever she hurt. Taught her how to tell other kids “I want to play with that”. Many times I would just have to remove her from the situation entirely
24 months – 28 months – At this point I don’t know what to do anymore. I praise her when she is playing nicely. I teach her how to introduce herself to other kids (which does work really well). I use time in if we are at the playground and she does it to another kid. I still just completely remove her from the situation if she does it 2 or 3 times. It happens EVERY TIME we go to the playground and EVERY TIME she is around her little cousins. If she does it to me at home I still give her a time out and that usually works as kind of a cooling off period for her and me.
Everybody I talk to says it will go away when she starts talking more. She does talk pretty well already but I could see that sometimes she just can’t get the words out when she is playing with other kids. The thing is sometimes I just break down in tears afterwords because I am just so fed up with it. 20 months I’ve been dealing with this and nothing has worked!
I’ve thought about completley ignoring it and just making sure that the other child is okay so that she can see she is not going to get any attention for it. I find myself not able to follow through with that though. Has anybody had any success with a hitter? Or do I just hold out hope that it will stop by the time she is 3?
