My title is a little bit sarcastic today.  This is more me just venting.  Toddlers are an interesting dichotomy of opposites.  They can be cute and loving one minute and obnoxious and defiant the next.  Evangeline has just recently entered the testing stage and man can she test mommy’s patience.  On a typical day she will wake up sweet and loving, just full of smiles and hugs and kisses.  She is easy and agreeable.  I say, “do you want milk?” and she nods happily and is content.  A few hours later she is demanding, and cries and screams if I get up to do anything.  Throw’s a tantrum if she can’t have something she wants.  Is defiant. This morning she threw her milk on the floor when she was done eating (her daily ritual).  When she got down I asked her to pick it up and put it on the table, which she normally does just fine.  Nope not today she sat there and stared at it and didn’t move. 

I am just sitting here this morning thinking… “how long does this time last for?”  She is only 18 months old, do I really have another 12-18 months of this?  When she is being cute and adorable I find myself loving this age and never wanting it to end.  But 2 seconds later she is throwing a tantrum and I am wondering, “when will it end?”

Okay, so we all agree that although our kids are beyond lovable most of the time sometimes they are  not so lovable.  For example, every time I change my daughters diaper she throws a fit because she does not like to be slowed down.  She will yell, kick, and scream.  If she is being extra feisty she will kick me really hard and very forcefully try to turn around to get out of having her diaper changed.  Anyone who has ever parented a toddler in diapers I’m sure can relate.   I have tried many different strategies and nothing has seemed to work.

Well, I was reading a quote today that said something about kids needing to be loved the most when they are being unlovable.   If ever I am going to run out of patience with Eva it is going to be when she is throwing one of her diaper changing fits.  So today I repeated that quote in my head like a mantra.  When I changed her diaper she threw a fit, tried to turn around, and kicked me the whole time.  I repeated the mantra and tried to remember that I needed to love her throughout that.  When I was done changing her I told her I loved her and she stood up and gave me a hug.  Of course my heart melted.

As parent’s we are oftentimes inundated with other people’s opinions.  These can sometimes make us feel either defensive or inadequate.  Most of my parenting decisions have been very well thought out, researched, and discussed so when someone chimes in with their opposing opinion I don’t feel inadequate but I do tend to get defensive.  I guess I get defensive because even though I think I am a good mom I want other people to think that I am a good mom too.

This week I have been thinking about how even in the 21st century Mom’s face a whole list of “shoulds.”

• A mom should not spoil her baby
• A mom should teach her child good manners
• A mom should always cook nutritious meals
• A mom should take care of her child’s needs first

Many of these statements are passed down to us by our mothers, grandmothers, in-laws, sisters, and friends.  The last statement is the trickiest for me.  As a mom I do feel I should take care of my child’s needs quickly and attentively but there comes a time when you have to choose between your own well being and your child’s immediate demands.  If you are tired and your child is cranky, who do you take care of first?  I know in my head that I must take care of myself before I can even begin to be a good mom.  I will have more patience, compassion, and understanding for my child if I am well rested and happy myself.  However, this is difficult to remember when faced with the pressures of being “the perfect mom” and whatever that means in our society.

One of the big “shoulds” a lot of mom’s still feel pressure about today is  “you should stay home with your children when they are young”.  Women have made a lot of progress in the business world since the 1950’s but I cannot believe how much working mothers are still judged.  You would think that times have changed a lot now in our modern world.  Sadly for a lot of people it is still not socially acceptable to be a working mother.  A statement made to my husband by a coworker comes to mind.  When we became parents this coworker asked my husband if I was quitting my job.  My husband said no and this man immediately blurted out “What is the point of having kids if you are not going to raise them?”  Ouch.

On the other end of that spectrum, some working mom’s judge those who choose to stay home.
This week I have a should statement of my own: As women and mother’s we should never judge another’s decision that they have carefully made for their family.  There are lots of reasons why mom’s and dad’s choose to work or not work when they have young kids.  Parenting has enough challenges, we need to support each other and respect that we have made the best decision for our family.

I guess what I will try to remember is that the only opinion that matters is my daughter’s.  When she is older I want her to look back on her childhood and say “I had great parents who made me feel loved and respected, and gave me every opportunity possible.”