Since most people who have not been touched by adoption are not familiar with adoption-friendly language I thought I would post a few pointers.
I know that for me before I became an adoptive mother I had no idea that saying certain things could be incorrect or hurtful.
-Family’s who have adopted do not just have “adopted children” they are “adoptive families”. It is a title the whole family shares not just the child.
-Some birth mothers like to be called “biological mothers” and some like to be called “first mothers”
-Some people just don’t want to always be answering questions about their child’s personal history. So, when you see a child that looks different from their family keep in mind that they might not want to discuss everything. If you are just dying to know you could drop a hint like “Your daughter has such beautiful dark eyes” or “I love her skin tone” and leave it up to the parent if they want to offer more information.
-Please never ask, “Where is her real mother?” Besides the fact that the adoptive mother is also a “real” mother often times if you don’t know the person well this is a much too personal question to be asking. 

-Another phrase to avoid is “Where did you get her?” If you are curious about where the child was born you could say “Where was she born?” or “What is her ethnicity?”

-And please please never ask a parent “How much did she cost?” There are fees involved with adoption just like there are hospital fees when you give birth to a baby. Unfortunately there is no adoption insurance that helps to pay for these fees. Unless you are seriously considering adoption and want to know the fees for personal reasons please don’t ask.

Ultimately us adoptive parents have been there ourselves so we understand that not everyone knows adoption etiquette. Just try to remain respectful of boundaries and conscious of the words you use. The vast majority of people are just curious and want to know about adoption but there are a few that are malicious.

Some things that I never thought twice about before but that now bug me are..
-When people or agencies use the term adopted for animals, highways, or even dolls
-Telling me that my child is lucky (We are the lucky ones)
-When somebody says in front of her “How could anybody give her up?” or “How could her mother not have wanted her?”
-When someone introduces my daughter as… “This is Jill’s daughter Eva, she is adopted.”

It is difficult to know what each persons boundaries are so if you are curious about adoption and want to know more about a family’s experience you can just say.  “I have some questions are you comfortable discussing your child’s adoption?”

For me it depends on what mood I am in that day, although I HATE being caught offgaurd.  I really don’t like being rude so sometimes I just answer the question and then a few minutes later wish I had given a different response.  We do have boundaries about how much information we discuss.  For example details of her biological family are personal to her.  When she is old enough she can choose whether or not to share those details but it is not for us to disclose to others.

Thanks for reading!

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about the miracle of birth. Since November is national adoption month I wanted to share with you how our daughter came into our family through the miracle of adoption.
Dh and I decided long ago, before we were married, that we would grow our family through adoption instead of making a baby ourselves.
We had a couple of reasons for this decision but basically we both have never had the desire to have a biological child. We felt that there are so many children in this world that need families why make another one?
As we grew up, got married, and bought a house we still really wanted to adopt and decided now was the time. We needed a child to love. The desire in my heart to be a mother was so strong I could think of nothing else. Adoption is not about “saving” a child no more than getting pregnant is. It is about wanting be a parent and wanting a child to love.
Once we decided we were ready to be parents we contacted a few different adoption agency’s and they mailed us their information. We also attended a foster care orientation and learned about all the wonderful ways to adopt a waiting child. After looking at domestic, international, and foster-adoptions we decided that international was the best way for us at the time. There are many different reasons why people choose international adoption. I guess it just felt like the right thing for us. Although now that I have gone through the process I will probably look more into domestic next time, and perhaps one day when our kids are older we will do foster-adopt. I don’t really want to get into all of the technicalities of how one goes about adopting a child maybe I will do a separate post about that later this month.
Mainly I just want to share with you the incredible blessing adoption has been in our lives. I’m sure every parent feels that their child is the most perfect, beautiful, brilliant thing on earth but MY DAUGHTER is the most perfect, beautiful, brilliant thing on earth! Once she came home the year and a half of paperchasing, waiting, paper chasing, and waiting, and more waiting melted away. She was just my daughter and I was her mother. Every time she says those beautiful words like “mommy, daddy, or I love you”. My heart smiles and I know my reason for being on this earth.
Whenever I read on someones blog that they have just brought their child home I cry because I remember what an amazing feeling that was. When I think about her birthmother and her fosterparents I am awe-inspired at the sacrifices they made for this little girl.
Much like becoming a parent is purely for selfish reasons I think that making an adoption plan for your child is the most unselfish act a human being can do.

There is no other miracle in the world like the birth of a baby. I have always loved watching “a baby story” even though I get queasy when the baby is born and have to cover my eyes for a bit I still watch because it is so amazing to see that little human being handed to their mother for the first time. There is something so magical about it. I was watching one today and the dad had passed away during the mother’s pregnancy. I started watching half way through so I don’t know how he died but he was in the military. It was such a beautiful thing to experience. Even though the mother was full of pain and grief, that baby brought her so much joy and love. When he was born she kept saying “I want to see him, I want to see him.” She said he looked just like his dad.
Of course I cry every time I witness the birth of a child. Who doesn’t? I wish I could have been there the day my daughter was born. I wonder…what were her first moments in this world like? Did her birth mother hold her? Was she alone or did she have family to be there? There is no way of knowing and that breaks my heart. Hopefully one day we will meet and I will get to ask all my questions. There are so many.