Okay,  so I guess today isn’t really a tip but more of a plea for help.  Ever since my daughter was 8 months old she has had a problem hitting others.  Let me just add that I don’t know if her foster mom ever hit her but I highly doubt it.  I can tell you that me and my husband have never hit her, not even just a slap on the hand.  So part of my frustration is just not knowing where this comes from.

When it first started I figured okay this is just how she is letting out her frustration and it is normal.  I still think that but am just so fed up with it.  It’s been 20 months of dealing with this and trying to get her to stop and nothing is working!!!  She hits me, she hits her dad, she hits (and kicks) the dog, she hits her cousins, kids at the playground.  She doesn’t really have to be provoked very much, if a kid just thinks about playing with something that she wants she will immediately reach out and swat them in the face, or better pull their hair out, or even better grab their face and dig her finger nails into their skin.

I know it is her personality, she has a very strong one and know’s what she wants which will be good for when she’s older but how do I teach her to stop hurting others?  This is what I’ve done so far.

8-12 months old – Grabbed her hand and told her in a very stern voice “no hitting” then stroked her hand on my face and said “nice”

12-18 months old – Looked her in the eyes told her very sternly “NO NO HITTING” put her down and turned away for a couple of seconds and then dropped it.

18-24 months – Started using time out, talked to her about why hitting is bad, because it hurts and we don’t want to hurt people.  Have her apologize to whoever she hurt.  Taught her how to tell other kids “I want to play with that”.  Many times I would just have to remove her from the situation entirely

24 months – 28 months – At this point I don’t know what to do anymore.  I praise her when she is playing nicely.  I teach her how to introduce herself to other kids (which does work really well).  I use time in if we are at the playground and she does it to another kid.  I still just completely remove her from the situation if she does it 2 or 3 times.  It happens EVERY TIME we go to the playground and EVERY TIME she is around her little cousins.  If she does it to me at home I still give her a time out and that usually works as kind of a cooling off period for her and me.

Everybody I talk to says it will go away when she starts talking more.  She does talk pretty well already but I could see that sometimes she just can’t get the words out when she is playing with other kids.  The thing is sometimes I just break down in tears afterwords because I am just so fed up with it.  20 months I’ve been dealing with this and nothing has worked!

I’ve thought about completley ignoring it and just making sure that the other child is okay so that she can see she is not going to get any attention for it.  I find myself not able to follow through with that though.  Has anybody had any success with a hitter?  Or do I just hold out hope that it will stop by the time she is 3?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what is the best environment for my daughter.  Let me start by saying that in my young adulthood I never dreamed I would be a SAHM.  I always saw myself as a working mommy and denied any wrong in having a child in daycare.  I argued that daycare is good for children because they get to learn new things everyday and as long as they are getting quality time with mom and dad at night and on the weekends then it is the best situation.  I also just never pictured myself being happy as a SAHM, and I thought that a happy working mom is 100% better then an unhappy mom at home.

My daughter came along…I stayed home for 3 months…went back to work for 10 months…and have now been home with her for 8 months.  My reasons for staying home were complex.  Although I had a flexible work schedule I was bringing too much stress from my job home.  The families I worked with were becoming more and more challenging and the feeling of helplessness was breaking my heart every day.  I’ve always heard the average turn around time for people working in social services is 2 years per job.  I had been in my job for 3 and a half years.  I also thought I was going back to school because with my husbands job I was only going to have to pay 20%.  That is too long and depressing of a story to get into here but it didn’t work out.

Besides the stress of work and the promise of becoming a student again I just MISSED my daughter.  She was getting to be a really fun age…18 months…and every morning as I got her dressed my heart just ached to be home with her.  I longed for afternoon trips to the park and the zoo, story time at the library, lunch dates at the mall, snuggles after nap time.  Then there were some complications with her current daycare and that kind of made the decision for me.  Enrolling her in another daycare was out of the question.  Since she was adopted and had already been through 2 caregivers plus a daycare provider I just couldn’t put her through another big change so soon.

Now that it has been 8 months the monotony of staying home is really starting to wear on me.  Being home everyday is not all peaches and cream like I thought it was going to be.  You see because my 18 month old little monkey has turned into a defiant 2 1/2 year old.  Being the full time mom of a 2 year old takes creativity and patience…two things I do not possess in large amounts.  That’s not the only reason I’ve been questioning whether being at home with me is the best for my daughter though.  She is a very social person.  Slow to warm up but once she does she has a great time.  She loves being around  other kids, adults, and big crowds.  I took her to a playgroup last week and she clung to me the whole time.  I couldn’t help but think “Am I sheltering her too much?”  “Am I keeping her from all the wonderful experiences she could be having at a child care?”  I’m sure at a quality daycare the providers will not yell the way mommy sometimes does.  But then they will probably not cuddle her the way mommy does either.  “Does that mean I am coddling her then?”  “Am I depriving her of learning life lessons without the hovering helicopter mommy watching her every move?”  “Am I depriving myself of my career? Of feeling like I am making a difference in the world?”

I don’t have any answers.  Just questions.  Even with all the questions I am content with where I’m at.  I do not regret my decisions or what I’m doing right now I guess I just need to know where all of this is going.  I don’t want to stop thinking about my future as not just a mom but a woman who has something valuable to offer society, and I never want to stop learning.  At the same time I don’t want my daughter’s world to be confined to this house.  I want her to experience new things at a young age.  Nuclear and isolated families are something fairly new to humans.  I have a strong feeling that it was not meant to be this way.  We are social beings and children used to have a lot of people around to play and interact with.  Have we gone too far with wanting to shelter our children to our own little world where we can control everything?

I obviously don’t know the answer so what are your thoughts?

My absolute most favorite resource for learning about my daughters development is Baby’s First Wish.

They are monthly newsletters that tell you what you can expect your child to be doing that month as well as little games and activities you can do to help them grow and learn.

Go check it out.  I know you will love it!

Sorry this is so late but it has been a busy busy day.  We got free tickets to the zoo because Phoenix is doing this awesome thing right now where you can go to the library and get what is called a “Culture Pass” which gets 4 people into a destination of your choice.  You can pick from basically all of the museums in the area, the science center, and the zoo.  Earlier this week we went to the Children’s Museum.  A great great place to go with young kids.

We spent some time walking around the zoo in 100 degree weather (hot but we still enjoyed ourselves), came home, hopped in the pool, barbecued dinner, and now we are getting ready to vegg out on the couch watching TV.  It has been a delightful Mother’s Day.  It helps to have such a wonderful husband.  He has let me do whatever I want today without question.  This morning his gift to me was a day all to myself one day a month for the rest of the year.  He will either take Eva somewhere and I can stay home or he will stay here with her while I go somewhere.  One whole day of no cooking, cleaning dishes, or dealing with bodily fluids.  HEAVEN.

Not to say that I don’t LOVE spending time with my daughter because I do.  Without her I obviously wouldn’t be a mother but I also wouldn’t get to experience the greatest love life has to offer.  I love just watching her play, especially with her dad.  Her sweet little smile, the look of wonder on her face, her contagious laugh, those beautiful big eyes.  I now know what it feels like to literally want to freeze time and just be able to remember a moment forever.  A moment so mundane as sitting on the living room floor surrounded by toys, holding out a fake blood pressure monitor and saying “help me daddy”.  Then sitting there with the most serious look on her face as he “checks” her bp.  When he is done she takes it off and a charming smile comes over her face.  Not on a pristine beach or a glorious mountaintop just in my own little house.  This is where the really special moments in life live.

Okay enough blubbering on about my daughter.  I hope you all had an equally wonderful mother’s day, and if not have a do over next Sunday.

Now…the lucky winner of the $50 photofiddle gift card is…

ERICA from The Candy Bar

Head over to her site and check out her meatloaf cupcakes.  They really do look delicious!

I used random.org to choose the winner but I cannot figure out how to do print screen (my keyboard won’t work) so you will just have to take my word for it.

Thank you to everyone who enetered.  Hope you enjoy your prize Erica!

Okay so I am a day late…sue me.

There hasn’t been too much going on in the potty department.  A few times this past week little E has told me she needs to go potty, a couple of times she did and a couple of times she didn’t.  At least it tells me that she is getting the concept of this whole potty business.  Even though she is showing more readiness signs I’m still gonna wait a week or two before I jump back on the potty band wagon.  I want to make sure she is good and ready.

I feel like I am jipping you since this post is so short so I’m gonna direct you to my favorite website when it comes to stuff like this.  Babycenter.com has some great info. about potty training so go check it out.

To join in on the potty time Tuesday fun click the link below!