As parents we always hear how important positive reinforcement is when disciplining your child. Instead of just punishing your toddler for wacking the dog, praise her when you catch her petting the puppy nicely. I’m sure you have all heard this over and over again.
Well, recently, I’ve discovered that this works for me as well. I tend to beat myself up over every mistake I make as a parent and think “Alright now I’ve gone and screwed her up for good.”
Last week I started trying this positive reinforcement thing out on myself. I have been ending every day with thinking of three things I did RIGHT that day concerning Eva. It has seriously made a huge difference in my interactions with her. Not only do I feel better about myself and my ability to raise a little human being but throughout the day I think about how I am going to have to answer to myself and I make better choices because of it.
Positive reinforcement has made me a better mom.
This picture is from our Duck feeding session this week. Did you know that you can feed hard boiled eggs to ducks? According to my duck-friendly sister it is better for them than bread.
Also, did you know that peeling hard boiled eggs is a great fine motor activity for toddlers? I discovered that one for myself. Now, if I could just figure out how to get her to eat one.
I hope you are all enjoying your Spring as much as we are!
I was so fortunate to have been visiting with my cousin a couple of weeks ago where we had an interesting conversation over lunch (in the Magic Kingdom of course). We were discussing the challenges of raising kids and what you can do to look at things from a different perspective. I was telling her how when I am really frustrated I try to apply something I learned in yoga of removing my dislike from an unpleasant situation. She had a much more eloquent phrase for it “What you resist persists”. YES. That is exactly what I was trying to say. If you are pushing against something like “Ahhh why are you whining when you could just ask me in a perfectly normal voice for whatever it is you want!” It will just make the whining worse and possibly, well most likely, result in a full blown crying fit. However, if you tell yourself that the whining doesn’t really bother you and go about your day full of happiness and love you could either ignore the whining until your child finally just asks you for that cup of water or you can sweetly ever so sweetly, (because you are not irritated at all remember?), suggest to your child that they ask you in a normal voice “Mommy can I have a glass of water please?”
My then very wise loving mother of a cousin said that she always tells herself in a situation such as the one above “What would be the alternative to this?” As in if my child were not whining annoyingly or throwing an evil tantrum what would that mean? That my child would cease to exist? Which scenario would I rather have. By a billion times over I would choose the whining, tantruming toddler then to have no Evangeline at all.
Today I am reminded that too many parents have faced that devastating scenario. Who am I to be frustrated with my sweet sweet girl who just needs a little patience sometimes?
If you are in need of some of this perspective please read this mothers blog who is, at this very moment, sitting beside her toddlers hospital bed after a tragic car accident.
You are your child's first and most important teacher. Never underestimate the impact you have on your child. He/She looks up to you more than anyone else and models your behavior. He also looks to you for your approval. When she can look in your eyes and see that you believe in her it gives her the confidence to move forward and venture out on her own. So don’t ever doubt for a second how important you are!
Links:
http://www.parentsasteachers.org
http://nextgenparenting.com/blog/?p=658
http://betterkidcare.psu.edu/TIPS/TIPS303.pdf
http://www.parenthood.com/index.php
http://www.nationalcac.org/families/early_learning/parents/
Okay, so I guess today isn’t really a tip but more of a plea for help. Ever since my daughter was 8 months old she has had a problem hitting others. Let me just add that I don’t know if her foster mom ever hit her but I highly doubt it. I can tell you that me and my husband have never hit her, not even just a slap on the hand. So part of my frustration is just not knowing where this comes from.
When it first started I figured okay this is just how she is letting out her frustration and it is normal. I still think that but am just so fed up with it. It’s been 20 months of dealing with this and trying to get her to stop and nothing is working!!! She hits me, she hits her dad, she hits (and kicks) the dog, she hits her cousins, kids at the playground. She doesn’t really have to be provoked very much, if a kid just thinks about playing with something that she wants she will immediately reach out and swat them in the face, or better pull their hair out, or even better grab their face and dig her finger nails into their skin.
I know it is her personality, she has a very strong one and know’s what she wants which will be good for when she’s older but how do I teach her to stop hurting others? This is what I’ve done so far.
8-12 months old – Grabbed her hand and told her in a very stern voice “no hitting” then stroked her hand on my face and said “nice”
12-18 months old – Looked her in the eyes told her very sternly “NO NO HITTING” put her down and turned away for a couple of seconds and then dropped it.
18-24 months – Started using time out, talked to her about why hitting is bad, because it hurts and we don’t want to hurt people. Have her apologize to whoever she hurt. Taught her how to tell other kids “I want to play with that”. Many times I would just have to remove her from the situation entirely
24 months – 28 months – At this point I don’t know what to do anymore. I praise her when she is playing nicely. I teach her how to introduce herself to other kids (which does work really well). I use time in if we are at the playground and she does it to another kid. I still just completely remove her from the situation if she does it 2 or 3 times. It happens EVERY TIME we go to the playground and EVERY TIME she is around her little cousins. If she does it to me at home I still give her a time out and that usually works as kind of a cooling off period for her and me.
Everybody I talk to says it will go away when she starts talking more. She does talk pretty well already but I could see that sometimes she just can’t get the words out when she is playing with other kids. The thing is sometimes I just break down in tears afterwords because I am just so fed up with it. 20 months I’ve been dealing with this and nothing has worked!
I’ve thought about completley ignoring it and just making sure that the other child is okay so that she can see she is not going to get any attention for it. I find myself not able to follow through with that though. Has anybody had any success with a hitter? Or do I just hold out hope that it will stop by the time she is 3?
My absolute most favorite resource for learning about my daughters development is Baby’s First Wish.
They are monthly newsletters that tell you what you can expect your child to be doing that month as well as little games and activities you can do to help them grow and learn.
Go check it out. I know you will love it!
