I never thought I would be in the situation where Chris and I’s roles would be so traditional. When we first got married I found pride in the fact that we did not conform to old ideas about mens work and womans work. We both worked, both went to school, and housework was about 50/50. He even did all the laundry!
Then we bought a house. Roles became a little lopsided but still…I would often come home to him mopping the floor, or cleaning the shower.

Then we became parents. Okay perhaps I did a little bit more of the work in regards to the baby but it didn’t seem so bad.

Then I quit my job to be a stay at home mom and he suddenly thought that 100% of the house work and parenting work was now MY JOB. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Wake up, tend to daughters needs, clean the kitchen that was dirty from the night before, make breakfast, clean the kitchen again, entertain daughter, vacuum the floor, do laundry, try and do homework, tend to daughters needs every 10 minutes in the middle of all of this, make lunch, clean the kitchen…you get the idea. This is how my day goes.

Every day about 2p.m. I start plotting how I can just go get a job and send her back todaycare. It’s not that I don’t love being home with her, it’s just that I don’t love all the other stuff that goes a long with it. Mainly feeling like all I am anymore is a housekeeper, cook, and maid. Don’t get me wrong those are all valuable professions…but I don’t feel valued.

Things got a little worse when I started school last August. I never realized how difficult it really is to do homework with a 2 year old now 3 year old in the house. I thought it would be a piece of cake…more like stale fruit cake.

This week I have reached my breaking point. I am having Easter at my house on Sunday and guess what? A maid is going to come and clean my house for me. I realize this won’t solve the real issue, but at least it will make me happy for now.

I tried to do a complete strike on Monday…it lasted until about noon when I couldn’t stand living in the sqaulor any longer. There were a few times pre-Eva that I would go on strike for a day when I felt like Chris wasn’t doing enough and that always worked. Now that I am home all day I just can’t stand to be here in the mess.

Some ideas I came up with for a longer term solution.
A. Have Chris give me an actual paycheck every week for all the wonderful work I have done. Oh and monthly reviews where he tells me what a great job I’m doing and gives me a pay raise. -I actually think this would make me feel better but it sounds a little bit creepy. Although I do think not getting an actual pay check is the heart of the issue. For some reason work just doesn’t feel so bad when you aren’t doing it for free. Does that make any sense? Even though I spend the money he brings home it still just isn’t the same.

B. Divide the house so that we are both responsible for keeping certain rooms clean.

C. Make a list of what I do every week and what he does every week and come up with a more equitable list.

I want to hear from others…What do you do to keep things even?

I can hardly believe that it has been about 6 weeks since I have posted something on here. The truth is I’ve been busy. With school, with home improvement projects, with life. I’ve also been avoiding you. The thought of writing just doesn’t appeal to me as much as it did before. I blame it on being back in school. But I ventured over here today and read through some old posts and realized that I miss you. I miss writing to the invisible universe. Eva turned 3 years old one month ago tomorrow. Here is a letter I wrote to her that I wanted to share with you.

Dear Evangeline,

Yesterday you turned three. We celebrated by taking you to lunch at Rainforest cafe and when we got there you screamed “My Animals!” and gave me a big smile and huge hug with the look of pure happiness on your face the way only you can. When you wrap your little arms around my neck and squeeze until you cut off my air supply, I am the happiest I have ever been.
When Daddy and I got home from school late last night we set up your new “big girl” bed in your room. It’s true that the transition from babyhood to toddlerhood is slow and gradual but yesterday you blossomed into a full grown 3 year old right before my very eyes. I can carry on a conversation with you like we are the oldest of friends. And really you are my best friend and I feel so blessed to be able to spend as much time with you as I do. I love being your “person” who knows every little thing about you.
I am so grateful to be able to spend every day with you but I realize the time is coming that you will need to break away from me and venture out into the world. You will go to preschool soon where you will play with little boys and girls your age and learn from your teachers who will teach you wonderful things about the world. And I will always be here for you to come home to.