I once learned a communication technique for spouses that goes like this.
At the end of every day each spouse tells the other one:
-something good that happened to them that day
-something bad that happened to them that day
-something the other spouse did to make them mad
-I love you because ______________________
If something comes up in this very short discussion you can choose to explore that further or you could just leave it at that. For us it usually turns into a bigger discussion, most of the time it is about good things.
Parenting toddlers can be such a challenge and often times cause fights between you and your spouse. I know for me I thought we had this parenting thing all figured out and that we were on the same page with everything. ObviouslyI was naive. There are a lot of times where we disagree with what the other person is doing in regards to parenting. I think this communication technique can be very effective if you use it to talk about your parenting experiences that day. Especially through those really challenging stages in childhood. I find that when I am having a rough day just talking it over with my dh makes me feel better. Especially when we are able to communicate in a way that is respectful to eachother.
Nancy says...
I have been meaning to ask. Does dh stand for darling husband? Good advise. Thick skin really helps too.
March 2nd, 2009 at 10:05 am
Running mommy says...
Sounds sensible. My husband and I are reasonably on the same page, but my husband wants his peace, so when the going gets rough my husband folds like a cheap suit.
Leaving me to be the bad guy.
March 2nd, 2009 at 10:31 am
Jill says...
Mom, it actually means dear husband but it can mean darling husband too if you want.
Running Mommy – I play the bad guy in our house too. My husband is very non-confrontational.
March 2nd, 2009 at 12:32 pm
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[...] Modern Mommy Blog – Parenting in the 21st century » Mommy Tip of … – Parenting toddlers can be such a challenge and often times cause fights between you and your spouse. I know for me I thought we had this parenting thing all figured out and that we were on the same page with everything. … [...]
March 2nd, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Anne says...
We do something similar with our kids over dinner. Everyone needs to discuss one good thing and one bad thing that happened during the day. It encourages the kids to talk about their day and keeps us posted on what they are doing.
March 3rd, 2009 at 8:09 am
Diane Corriette says...
I like the idea of using this with my children as a way of keeping up table conversation but not sure if I would do it last thing with a partner. Maybe at some point toward the end of the day. Saves going to bed wondering about what was said or mad! Someone mentioned thick skin and I definitely agree
March 4th, 2009 at 2:16 am
jill says...
Diane – I can see you point. This has never been a problem with us though. It is such a calm and respectful way of communicating with your partner that usually the conversation stays very respectful and low key. There have been times where we have talked about touchy issues but if we hadn’t done this it wouldn’t have gotten talked about at all.
March 4th, 2009 at 8:39 am
Full Time Mom says...
During my daughter’s toddler years, my husband and I also had fights regarding parenting. Eventually, we were both able to adjust. When he’s really emphasizing something I don’t agree about, I keep my cool. But when my daughter is not around, that’s when we disagree but in a respectful way. He has learned to do the same. We have so much to learn about being parents, and we are embracing the responsibility.
March 9th, 2009 at 6:13 am