This concept of trusting a perfect stranger to watch my daughter even if just for an hour is one I am really struggling with.
There are two areas were we run into this, at church and at the gym.
Both are things that I really want and need to do to nurture myself. I believe that to be spiritually and physically balanced are very important to being a good mother.
I just can’t get over the fact that when I walk into both of these places these people who I know nothing about are going to be watching my daughter. It doesn’t help that Eva screams and hangs onto me for dear life when I leave her. In both places the general belief of the workers is that if I just leave she will be fine in 1 minute. However it is my belief that you don’t leave a child that is clinging to you.
Well, this morning I go to drop her off in the church daycare, which we have not been to in a month. The lady takes her out of my arms and she is screaming “mommy mommy”, crying big tears and reaching for me. I say “can I come in for a minute?” The lady reluctantly says yes. I stay for a minute and play with her, then start to tell her that I am leaving and will be back when the lady picks her up again. Well, Eva didn’t like this so she started screaming and reaching for me again, but I did not want to prolong it so I just left.
I am uneasy the whole time in church and just not feeling good about the whole situation. I kept telling myself that she was probably fine and that I am just being overprotective. When we picked her up the lady said “She did great! after crying for only 30 seconds!” Okay great but there was dried snot all over her nose so I think to myself “was she crying?” We get in the car and go to lunch, when I go to get her out of the car there is a huge scratch on the corner of her eye. Actually there are two scratches one above and one below her eye as if she fell and hit her head or someone else scratched her. Now I am torn about what to do. Had the lady told me of an incident I would not be upset but why did she say nothing? I know she did not have this scratch before we left this morning. What bothers me the most is she has never had an injury this bad, and she falls all the time at home!
So what would you do? My choices are to a) stop going to church until she is old enough to communicate b)take her into the big church with us and be embarrassed every time she makes a scene c)get over my fears of leaving her with strangers and let her adjust to the situation.
Any other ideas? I would love to hear them! What has your experience been in this situation?
Vanessa says...
No matter how minor the attending thought the fall was she SHOULD have told you!! I get funny about things like this with my girls as well! G;ad I’m not crazy like people indicate I am for being afraid to leave my kids behind!
October 20th, 2008 at 6:14 am
Jill says...
See, that’s how feel. I used to volunteer in church daycare and I ALWAYS told the parents of even the most minor incidients!
October 20th, 2008 at 8:30 am
Melissa Jennings says...
Hi,
Thanks for you post on my blog! I totally understand where you are coming from. I don’t leave Peyton with ANYONE! I just can’t do it! If it is not family he is not staying. He does go to preschool two days a week and that is HARD for me. I am so crazy that I just don’t want to MISS A THING!
Melissa
peytonsmamsita.blogspot.com
October 20th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Dorsey says...
Had you recently cut her nails? I only ask this because there is always the chance that she scratched herself. I would ask the child care attendant if she noticed the scratch, but try to be polite about it, as she’s more likely to be honest with you if she doesn’t feel blindsided. Know what I mean?
October 20th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Piera says...
I don’t have any advice because I struggle with leaving my 1 year old son with anyone! Good luck though and just trust your instincts.
October 20th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
Alisha says...
Wow. Yeah, I left my 13 month old in a nursery the other day at MOPS, a moms group. He wasn’t upset when I left because he had NO idea I was going to leave him. I never have before. I asked them to PLEASE come get me if he starts crying. When I returned there was dried snot all over his nose. I know this only happens when he has cried a lot. And when I asked the lady she said, “he didn’t cry too much”. Which to me means, he didn’t scream his head off, but it wasn’t just a little, because she didn’t say, “only a little”. He was VERY clingy the rest of the day. So, I’m not going back.
At church, that’s a different story. Our kids have never been to nursery there. They’ve always been with us since birth. We go every week and they’ve learned to be quiet. We sit on the back row, and bring books and a snack. They’re really good and we only have problems occasionally.
October 21st, 2008 at 11:15 am
Jill says...
Thanks for all the comments. I am leaning more towards NOT leaving her in the nursery again. I guess we will just have to try bringing her in with us. We did it once and I hardly got to focus on the message but we will just have to live with it until she is older. Thanks again!
October 21st, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Amie says...
Jill-
I know what you are dealing with. We make plans for a sitter to watch Liam then cancel out and just take him with us. When we go to church Liam goes with us. If he starts to make a scene you can 1) try to calm her quickly, or B) walk her out until she is back to being quit. If you start now as she gets older she will understand what to expect from you when you guys go to church. It is not embrassing cause she is 2yrs old and she is just testing the water. If you understand what I mean. You are doing a great job being a mom.
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:26 pm