Someone showed this to me yesterday and I think it is really cool. I love Supernanny, she has some really great ideas and her website is very helpful. It is especially great for people like me who are not the most crafty.
http://www.supernanny.com/Reward-Charts.aspx
As parent’s we are oftentimes inundated with other people’s opinions. These can sometimes make us feel either defensive or inadequate. Most of my parenting decisions have been very well thought out, researched, and discussed so when someone chimes in with their opposing opinion I don’t feel inadequate but I do tend to get defensive. I guess I get defensive because even though I think I am a good mom I want other people to think that I am a good mom too.
This week I have been thinking about how even in the 21st century Mom’s face a whole list of “shoulds.”
- A mom should not spoil her baby
- A mom should teach her child good manners
- A mom should always cook nutritious meals
- A mom should take care of her child’s needs first
Many of these statements are passed down to us by our mothers, grandmothers, in-laws, sisters, and friends. The last statement is the trickiest for me. As a mom I do feel I should take care of my child’s needs quickly and attentively but there comes a time when you have to choose between your own well being and your child’s immediate demands. If you are tired and your child is cranky, who do you take care of first? I know in my head that I must take care of myself before I can even begin to be a good mom. I will have more patience, compassion, and understanding for my child if I am well rested and happy myself. However, this is difficult to remember when faced with the pressures of being “the perfect mom” and whatever that means in our society.
One of the big “shoulds” a lot of mom’s still feel pressure about today is “you should stay home with your children when they are young”. Women have made a lot of progress in the business world since the 1950’s but I cannot believe how much working mothers are still judged. You would think that times have changed a lot now in our modern world. Sadly for a lot of people it is still not socially acceptable to be a working mother. A statement made to my husband by a coworker comes to mind. When we became parents this coworker asked my husband if I was quitting my job. My husband said no and this man immediately blurted out “What is the point of having kids if you are not going to raise them?” Ouch.
On the other end of that spectrum, some working mom’s judge those who choose to stay home.
This week I have a should statement of my own: As women and mother’s we should never judge another’s decision that they have carefully made for their family. There are lots of reasons why mom’s and dad’s choose to work or not work when they have young kids. Parenting has enough challenges, we need to support each other and respect that we have made the best decision for our family.
I guess what I will try to remember is that the only opinion that matters is my daughter’s. When she is older I want her to look back on her childhood and say “I had great parents who made me feel loved and respected, and gave me every opportunity possible.”
One of the things I want to do as a parent is to teach my daughter good social skills. She is only 18 months old but in a few years she will be starting pre-school and I want her to be able to make friends easily. To start her off early I enrolled her in a Little Gym© playgroup. The first couple times we went I figured it was normal for her to be shy so I didn’t worry when she refused to interact with the other kids. Now we have been about 6 times and she still refuses to play with everyone else, and is extremely clingy when we first get there. I find myself getting very frustrated over this, “why won’t she be social?” Well I know that part of it is her age, (she is still in the selfish stage of development) but then it got me thinking. I am generally a very shy person and don’t really talk to the other parents when I am there. So, what is my daughter learning from my behavior? I need to SHOW her how to be social with other people. If she sees me standing in the background by myself she is going to think that is what she should be doing too. I need to show her that it is okay to take a chance and talk to a new person. I realized that if kids learn by example I need to be that example to her in ALL things and show her how to succeed in making new friends. Wish me Luck!
I am so excited to be starting this new blog about being a mom in the 21st century! I want this to be a place where I can talk about my daily mommy experiences as well as things I’ve learned from my work and education.
A little bit about me. I am a 29 year old mother to a lively 18 month old girl who is my munchkin/monkey/silly goose. I have my B.A. degree in Sociology and have worked for the past 3 years with at risk families teaching them about child development and how to deal with the challenges of parenthood. I love my job because it has taught me so much about being a mom myself and I would love to share some of that here.
***Update 03/25/09
The munchkin is now 2 years old and even more lively than before. Yeah lively that’s the word. I quit my job back in October to be able to stay home with her and plan to go back to school to get my masters in education in a couple of months. So there you go there’s my update. Oh wait let’s not forget….I’m now 30.
